This is so good, allow me to just dive in….
The other day (It may have been yesterday, I’m not sure; because my days have been running together), I was listening to the Black Girl Podcast on iTunes. It’s hosted by some beautiful sisters: Scottie Beam (
@ScottieBeam on twitter/IG), Gia Peppers ( @GiaPeppers), Sapphira (@sapphiraem), Bex ( @BlvckDaria), and Alysha P (@AlyshaP819/@AlyshaP); so be sure to check it out and leave them a five-star rating and comment!
In that episode, Alysha opened up about her struggle to ask for help. I particularly loved the way she began the conversation, because she was just sitting in a completely protected environment, with her girls (damn the thousands of listeners in the Podcast Sphere), being completely authentic and transparent about the fact that she was struggling with something that was weighing heavily on her.
Side Note: The heart of the thing that was stressing her out MUST be covered in another article or Raising Black Millionaires Podcast Episode, because I’m certain many are battling with the same thing.
Nonetheless, the other ladies chimed in; some relating and some not. But, one thing that was brought up _pretty evenly among them_ was the fact that their mothers had been the same way and that it’s kind of like a common trait among Black women (those are more my words, but you get what I’m saying). But then, Alysha said something that I thought was rather profound. She said that once she’s been offered help and receives it, then it’s a relief, but getting to that point is a huge challenge.
Coincidentally (I totally don’t believe in coincidences), last night on my flight, I listened to the interview Brother Bedford (@brotherbedford) did with Multimillionaire Dr. William Pickard (@AMillionMoves). In that interview, Dr. Pickard told his story about how a friend of his introduced him to Henry Ford, because he had expressed interest in owning a car dealership, after years as a McDonald’s franchisee. Mr. Ford told him that he didn’t need anymore dealers but that he needed more Black suppliers. Dr. Pickard saw the opportunity and became a contracted supplier for Ford. The problem was that he had no idea of how to run a parts production/supply company. So, he made a logical step. He went to the suppliers division of the Ford Motor Company and told them that he needed help, because he didn’t know how to fulfill his contractual obligation; and he didn’t know where to start. Their response was, “We’re glad you asked, because we knew that you didn’t know.”
Now, I know you already know where I’m going; but please allow me to break it all the way down.
There’s so much value in the conversation the ladies of the Black Girl Podcast had in that episode, for several reasons. As Black folks, we understand and are very familiar with the various dynamics in our culture. For years, we have maintained a type of senseless pride that prevents us from often acknowledging that we need help (with ANYTHING: business, relationships, money, mental health… ANYTHING), let alone ask somebody for the help. One reason is, because we never want to be in a position where we allow someone to: tell us “No” (hurting our feelings); underperform (disappointing us); or use our need-for-help against us. I know this, because this is a code I’ve lived by for the majority of my life.
It wasn’t until I had failed at so many business endeavors and lost soooooo much money that I embraced the idea of needing some assistance, because I clearly didn’t know what I was doing. I had to shift my thought process and self-image from that of a know-it-all-who-didn’t-know-enough and an Independent Black Woman to that of a life-time student who is humble enough to see the priceless benefit of strategically placing myself _on a regular basis_ in environments where I was not the smartest person in the room. But, I didn’t go from 0 to 100 in one step. I started off listening to YouTube audios and expanding my perspective. Then I started reading books that grew me a little more, but I quickly recognized that I was at the point where I needed someone to take my hand and give me one-on-one guidance. It was time to ASK FOR HELP!
Sense we’re talking about #RaisingBlackMillionaires, allow me to be candid.
Don’t you pass that foolishness onto your children! Listen to me!
Hold my hand…walk with me, talk with me.
We (I’m talking about the majority of Black folks) have been doing the same thing forever, and it has availed us nothing but heartache and a false sense of pride that can’t be cashed at any bank, atm, or check cashing place.
I know that may be alarming and maybe even offensive to read, but suck it up! You’ll be alright.
Listen, I’m your sister telling you what kept me from success on soooo many levels in soooo many areas of my life for soooo long. Would you like to know what really gave me clarity about this matter? I started studying wealthy people and their habits. Napoleon Hill taught on the value of a Master Mind Group. Lisa Nichols told the story about how when she went to the Oprah show and Oprah Winfrey asked her who was coaching her, she told her the name of her coach. Then she asked Oprah who was coaching her, and she named off five or six different people!
In case the light bulb hasn’t yet illuminated for you, let me say it like this: rich white folks have been asking for help in every area of life FOREVER! And they have conquered the world, because they haven’t allowed themselves to have any personal hangups that would cause them to self-sabotage their own feats!
Look, we as Black people have this stigma that we’ve applied to the idea of therapy, but it’s really applied to the overall concept of asking for help in any area of life. We often defend it by saying that we can’t allow our business to be in the streets, because family/personal matters should remain at home.
But let me hip you to something. Today, in 2017, we can swap out the term “therapy” for support. I really want to say, “get over yourself; it ain’t that serious.” But I won’t.
Instead, allow me to say this:
I sat in a life-coaching session with this young man who had some deep underlying pain from his childhood with his parents the other day. I watched how this life coach helped that man: pinpoint the source of his pain; deal with the hurt; take on a more healthy perspective; and get built anew in one session. After getting more background information on him, I found out that the self-destructive ways he used to maintain, he no longer has. All because he had SUPPORT!
When Napoleon Hill introduced the Master Mind Group concept, he taught that no one individual could do anything of great significance alone and that like-minded individuals, working towards a specific cause would always bring about far greater success than any individual. He was talking about SUPPORT!
And just like Multimillionaire William Pickard reached out to a friend to help him to get into the automotive industry and further reached out to the supplies division of the Ford Motor Company when he didn’t have a clue of what to do next, we have to demonstrate to our children NOW how to avoid any inclination to get in their own way of success _at anything_ by avoiding the support that is always somewhere waiting on them to reach for it. We must demonstrate to them that just because it’s more comfortable to not seek help, does not mean that it’s healthy or that it will lead them to the results they most desire.
I know that was a lot, but I pray that we are all able to take from this the value of getting over ourselves and our own personal hangups for the sake of using the tools and resources that will position us to be the best we can be and teach our children to be the best they can be. Because, remember, wealthy people give and receive coaching regularly. It’s just a matter of fact. If you’re serious about #RaisingBlackMillionaires, teach them to do what wealthy people do.
I thank the ladies of the Black Girl Podcast sooooo very much for sharing this very intimate and purposeful conversation with us.
To catch that episode of the Black Girl Podcast, click here https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/black-girl-podcast/id1184104197?mt=2
To listen to Brother Bedford’s interview with William Pickard, click here http://www.bshaniradio.com/black-millionaires.html, and you absolutely MUST get your copy of Millionaire Moves: Seven Proven Principles of Entrepreneurship, by clicking here https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XGFYDSY?ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_sAfWybJ6QB02H&tag=kpembed-20&linkCode=kpe
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Remember to get your copy of the Raising Black Millionaires ebook and leave a comment at RaisingBlackMillionaires.com and share with a friend. Until next time, Peace!